Not Okay

I’ve been telling everyone that I’m fine but I’m not…don’t want to add to their troubles, I don’t want to give them anything else to worry about when they’ve got so much else on their minds.

I’ve relapsed so badly the past fortnight and it’s been so bad and I don’t want to tell anyone because I feel so ashamed. I feel disgusting and embarrassed and like I’ve failed. I’m so stressed about having to be perfect and I’m worried about money all the time. I’m constantly worrying about money and I can’t cope with these things I can’t control and I end up focusing on my weight.

I feel like when people find out I’m going to be such a let down, like they’re going to be so disappointed in me and I don’t know how to tell them. I’m hurting and I feel like such a failure. I can barely afford my therapy sessions and I don’t want to have to tell him I’ve relapsed again. Again. Always again. Always failing.