Saving Me

Always the one who is trying to save everyone else, trying to save each friendship and each family relationship, trying to find a solution, the in-between, that keeps everyone happy. So why does it feel as though no one wants to save their relationship with me?

Am I not worth saving?

Why do I try to compromise, try to swallow my pride to save a friendship and yet the other never seems to budge from their standpoint? I try to find that middle ground, try to back off in order to save the friendship and stop the arguments but it doesn’t feel like there was any reciprocation. Not really. Not ever.

Used and taken for granted.

The second one hurts more because I’m used to being used. But fuck it. Fuck it because I am worth so much more.

I am worth so much more than anyone who doesn’t value my friendship or the effort I put into that relationship or anything I have done for them. I’d always let them know how much I love and appreciate them but I never hear the same words back.

I am worth so much more than what I think I am. So much more than what people have made me feel that I am.

And I know that. I’m getting so close to being in the best shape of my life, not just physically but mentally and the best of it is, is that people are starting to notice that. I’m starting to notice that. I’m starting to notice that I am slowly saving myself and becoming the best version of me.

And that version of me is worth the effort and the special treatment. I’m worth someone who will want to show me off and take me out and do things with me. I am worth someone wanting to maintain any type of friendship with me. I know I am worth that and so much more.

I am smart and funny and I am beautiful.

I don’t think I’ve said that for a long time but it feels great to not just say it, but to believe it.

Friends, relationships, family…they’re all missing out on me and they’re gonna miss me. They’re all going to realise what they had and what I did for them and what I would have done for them but by the time they realise that, they’ll be seeing me with someone who treats me the way I should be treated.

I’m becoming happier and stronger and I am so proud of that but one day I’m going to be so strong and so happy that I won’t even notice them missing me.

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