Well, there’s an attention-grabbing title.
Nothing else can sum up the thoughts spinning in my head right now about my world that was literally spinning last night.
I went to a house party with my housemate, Tom and it was perfectly normal but true to party style it got hectic. I’d had a tough day yesterday and knew I didn’t want to get too drunk in those circumstances so I was good with my alcohol. I just drank my wine and had loads of fun with Tom’s friends.
No problems there.
I went to get a soft drink when I finished my wine. I remember walking up to a table and saw a bottle of lemonade and asked this guy stood there if he could pass it to me. He made some joke about wanting something in return to which I actually clearly remember saying, ‘I’m not looking for anything, just looking for a mixer’. He laughed and took my glass and proceeded to fill it for me.
It’s a strange feeling to remember this small conversation but I cannot for the life of me remember his face. I even remember he kept hovering around and I kept catching him looking at me. The problem was, I thought nothing of it, I knew me and Tom would be leaving shortly and I just sat and drank my ‘lemonade’.
But the room started spinning and my speech became incredibly slurred. My instinct when my speech slurs is that I might be about to have an epileptic fit so my reaction was to find Tom. I stood up and fell over almost immediately and I think it was the lemonade guy who caught me. I broke free and luckily bumped into Tom who was coming into the room.
When I spoke to him this morning he told me that, I said ‘something’s wrong, take me home’ and that he has never seen anyone look the way I looked last night. I’m so glad I found him in time. The drugs were only just starting to kick in and I don’t even want to think of what would have happened had I not found Tom and passed out somewhere.
I remember little bits of the journey home. I remember Tom carrying me at stages and I remember throwing up badly at the tube station. I remember that I couldn’t stand let alone walk and I kept passing in and out of consciousness. Tom pretty much carried me to my room and got me into bed.
I’m unbelievably grateful to have him in my life ❤
The whole situation has kinda shook me a little bit. I’ve been…you know…still can’t find the strength to say the word but the thought that the night could have ended so much more worse than me vomiting at a tube station scares me.
It got me thinking bout how I victim blamed myself in that situation and even last night. That it was my fault. That I put myself in that situation. I let that guy pour me wine and I let someone give me ‘lemonade’ last night. That it was my fault, that I could have prevented it but didn’t because I’m an idiot. Because I’m a stupid girl who should have known better.
Why do we try to teach girls how to not get raped rather than teach people not to rape?
But somehow I still feel like its all my fault.
That I asked for it.
I won’t know who spiked me. I won’t know if they’ve spiked someone before or if they’ll do it again. The thought of what could have been scares me but my housemates truly looked after me today. We spoke about it a lot and that’s definitely helped me come to terms with the event. I suppose I can only try to learn from the situation which would be to always pour my own drinks. But even then, should I have even considered this person was going to slip me something?
To think someone could happily drug someone, treat them as a piece of meat and sleep with them passed out is such a horrible thought. That would have made me feel ten times worse than after that guy…
I try to pretend it didn’t happen.
The nightmares from that night only stopped about 2 months ago.
Can only try to move on from last night.
Just be grateful it wasn’t worse.
Be grateful for Tom’s quick thinking and his actions.