Raw

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Hands tense, gripping what they can. Trying to stand tall but everything is crumbling.

Heavier weights to try numb the even heavier pain.

But it’s falling away. It’s being ripped away.

It hurts. Oh it god damn hurts.

The pounding starts. The voices come running. Whispers turn into screams.

Walls back up but still spiralling downwards. One step forward yet five leaps back.

Lift even heavier. Push through the pain. It helps the hurt.

But why does it still hurt?

Tears stinging. Why is it still so raw?

I’ll never see him again but why am I scared that it might happen accidentally?

How did one person take away all my strength? All my confidence? All my self-worth? Why did he have to take it, just to have sex with me for a few months?

I can’t do it right now. I can’t fix myself right now. Somebody please pick me up because I really can’t stand on my own right now. Anyone. Please.

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2 thoughts on “Raw

  1. Sorry things are so rough. You will get through this though, time will heal it, you just have to hold on long enough to ride it out. His actions are no reflection of you as a person, don’t confuse what he said with what you are. Sometimes things just don’t work out but that doesn’t stop you from being wonderful and lovable, be kind to yourself x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you ❤ I'm going through that phase of really good days and then bad days. Going back to law school after exams means I'm seeing everyone and they're all inevitably asking me 'oh what happened?'. I'm trying to be kind to myself right now, people like you and my friends are definitely helping! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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