Hands tense, gripping what they can. Trying to stand tall but everything is crumbling.
Heavier weights to try numb the even heavier pain.
But it’s falling away. It’s being ripped away.
It hurts. Oh it god damn hurts.
The pounding starts. The voices come running. Whispers turn into screams.
Walls back up but still spiralling downwards. One step forward yet five leaps back.
Lift even heavier. Push through the pain. It helps the hurt.
But why does it still hurt?
Tears stinging. Why is it still so raw?
I’ll never see him again but why am I scared that it might happen accidentally?
How did one person take away all my strength? All my confidence? All my self-worth? Why did he have to take it, just to have sex with me for a few months?
I can’t do it right now. I can’t fix myself right now. Somebody please pick me up because I really can’t stand on my own right now. Anyone. Please.